What it’s all about

FeaturedWhat it’s all about

This is my first ever blog. I am brand new to this whole thing, so apologies up front if I make any faux-pas unbeknownst to me.

This blog is about my “Musings with God”. There will be different subjects that I will talk to God about.

My goal this year was to try NaNoWriMo, however, the only story that came to mind–was an old idea that has been gnawing at me, though it isn’t a story at all–just my “Musings with God”, where I talk to God and He talks to me through my writing.

I hope everyone enjoys.

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Here I Am

Here I Am

“Here I am Lord and I’m drowning
In your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don’t wanna end up where you found me
And it echoes in my mind
Keeps me awake tonight” (Casting Crowns)

Here I am, Lord.

My child, where have you been? 

Away, Lord. I have fallen from Your grace. I know you have been wanting me to write, and I have been putting it off. I’m sorry, Lord. I should know better and get it done when You tell me instead of wait.

I have put You off, and I am just realizing that. 

By not doing what You want, I put You off. I hate the way that sounds. Why would I do that? It’s exactly like saying, “I know You have been telling me to write, but I just don’t have time right now. I will get to it when I get to it.” Well, I certainly have the time now…It’s like when You wanted Jonah to go to Ninevah, and then he tried to run from You. And for me, I guess a from of running away is ignoring. And who knows all the blessings I missed out on by not doing what You wanted?

When will I, or humans, for that matter, learn to trust You and Your judgment? When will we learn that You have our best interest at heart? You have always been, and always are, there for us–You have plans to prosper and not harm us (Jeremiah 29:11).

Send me where You want me to go Lord, my feet are ready to follow–and please forgive any hesitation to places unknown–but I WILL follow. Please Lord, give me strength and courage to battle the fear. Because I know through You, all things are possible. I know I can’t do this on my own.

I need You in my life.

Jesus, I am coming to the Father through You. I believe in You. I love You. You are my ship, my Rock. My soul thrives on Your love. Please take me under Your wing, Oh Savior.

I am a child of God.

Thank You for Your blessings, Lord. And Thank You–For Everything. Thank You.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

When God Speaks…

When God Speaks…

This week, I have found God speaking to me through many circumstances that began last Sunday, the 19th of February, while at church. Two songs–songs that I have sang many many times, kind of took hold and brought visions to the fore-front of my mind, making my praise to Him even greater. In fact, after the songs were over, I was compelled to write down impressions before I forgot them. We sang “O Thou Fount of Every Blessing” and “Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)”.

From the first song were the lines, “Come Thou Fount, O Come Thou King, Hear Your Bride, to You we sing”
And I remember the vision–a bright, radiant light in the background, and in the foreground were silhouettes with arms upraised and singing praises. I thought to myself, “Wow. Wouldn’t it be a wondrous sight to behold the Bride of Christ, every single church come together as one, to sing praises to Christ the Lord and God the Father?” I can still see it now: people standing, people on bended knee, people on both knees, eyes heavenward toward that dazzling light, every mouth singing praises to our King. With one voice we shout, we exclaim, we sing.

The second song had the lines, “My chains are gone, I’ve been set free”. Now, I have sang this song numerous times, but never has it jumped out at me like this. And looking back, I remember I was having some conflicting thoughts on my salvation while doing my Bible study, and I think God was reminding me that I. Am. Saved.
My vision on this one was the scene at the cross, except I was a witness in silhouette. I saw Jesus’ broken feet, I saw them pierce His side. I watched the blood and water flow out and felt it wash over me as I fell to my knees. And I knew it was cleansing me. I felt some kind of burden lifted and I knew I was forgiven of my sins from the time I had walked away and was not following His plan.

To be honest, I am so much happier living in God’s light. I don’t ever want to go down a dark path again. I know I am not perfect–there are times I still say or do things that I am not proud of, but I catch myself and immediately pray for forgiveness and talk to God about it. It is frustrating sometimes because I want to be good, but I am a human and have a sinful nature.
However, I know by God’s grace and love for me that I am forgiven. God is by my side and that is always how I want it to be.

Another example of God speaking to me was when I was driving with my a family member. We were role-playing and in character, I said something that this person took as me actually saying it. My family member teared up and looked away, and I tried consoling this person during the drive, but nothing I said was working.
Usually, when things like this occur, I wait until we are home before talking about what happened or what their feelings were. But I could sense God telling me to talk to this person now. And conveniently, there was a church parking lot right there. So I pulled in, sat in the backseat, and talked with this person until they could understand that it wasn’t me, but my character, that felt a certain way. Once that person understood, we were all smiles again. We both apologized to each other and had forgiven each other. Life was all good again. 🙂
I think however, that this was a serious issue and if I had waited any longer, it might not have fared well. Because there was a tiny, minute thought that said, “You can wait. You are almost home” before I turned into the parking lot…in fact, I almost listened to that thought instead of pulling over.
I am glad I followed what God wanted me to do.

And I want to keep following His plan, but I need to work on following His instructions when He tells me to…and to have courage to do the things He tells me to do. In fact, this post was supposed to be made on Wednesday, but here it is on a Friday. Believe me, there was always a constant pervading thought to get this completed. I had thoughts like, “I could be writing this post instead of doing this”, but I kept putting it off. I know it was the Holy Spirit that kept prompting me.
But it was what I asked God to do. I asked Him to please keep pushing me and for wisdom to discern His voice and message. And I thank Him for that.

In my faith I am like an infant just learning to walk. But I feel like this is right, and I am on the right path. I now know what it feels like to be apart from Him, and I now know like what it feels to be a part of Him. And there is nothing I want more than to be a part of Christ.

Your love, Oh Lord, is immense. So immense I cannot fathom it. Your grace is over-flowing. My wish is for all the world to experience Your love, your wondrous love, just as I have. Being under Your wing, Father, I am truly happy. My eyes have been opened, and my heart has softened once more. Thank you again, Lord, for your Son Jesus. Yes, Jesus, I thank You for coming down to Earth and teaching us Your ways and how to follow You. Thank You for Your sacrifice of life for me–for everyone–that whomsoever comes to You shall gain salvation. I long to be among Your angels singing praises to You, God, but until that time, I am content to walk with You and bask in Your Light and Glory.
Let all God’s people say, Amen.

Keep Your Lamp Burning

Keep Your Lamp Burning

“Be dressed and ready for service and keep your lamps burning” Luke 12:35
“You must also be ready, for the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him” Luke 12: 40

Imagine with me, if you will, about what it looks like to keep our lamps burning. In my study tonight, Beth Moore puts into perspective in modern day times of “leaving the light on” when you are waiting up for someone.
You are always watching, and waiting. Looking out the window every time you see a car’s headlights. You are vigilant, expecting. And when your loved one walks through the door–you smile and hug them and wish them a good night as you head to your bedroom to get a good night’s sleep.  I imagine this is the same in verse 35.
Imagine a servant, holding a lamp in front of him, waiting and watching on the master to return home–peering into the dark, waiting to see the master’s form on the horizon, then throwing open the doors and ushering him in, having him sit in his favorite chair. You already have his favorite scroll and drink nearby, ready to serve at his arrival. The master is very pleased. You knew the master’s will–what he expected of you, and you completed the task.

In both instances, both the parent and the servant are ready. They are vigilantly keeping watch. And that is how Jesus wants us to be. “It will be good for those servants whose master finds them watching when he comes. I tell you the truth, he will dress himself to serve, will have them recline at the table and will come and wait on them. It will be good for those servants whose master finds them ready, even if he comes in the second or third watch of the night” (Luke 12:37-38)

My plan: To let my light shine–being a beacon for others to come “home”. Shining through so that others get to know Jesus. I plan on “Keeping my light on for Jesus”. Watching and waiting for His return.
Also, knowing God and his Son Jesus. Trusting Him to take care of me and all my worries. Walking with Him and being a close companion. Waiting for the day He will come so that I can receive Him with open arms.

 

 

 

Trust in God’s Unfailing Love

Trust in God’s Unfailing Love

Psalm 13…I must say that this psalm speaks to me. In the beginning verses of the psalm, David is crying out to God:
“How long O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and everyday have sorrow in my heart?”

I have had thoughts similar to this, but never have I voiced them to God. I never thought He was hiding from me (I knew it was the other way around), nor did I think He ever forgot me. But the feeling of helplessness and desperation was/is still there.

Picture this:
A lost lamb is found once more. I know the Shepherd is there–after all, I have been brought back into the flock. I start growing closer to the Shepherd, following (some) of his directions and I begin learning to trust Him a little more each day. Yet I can’t help but feel disappointed when opportunity after opportunity closes the door.

But I hold on. I continue to trust. The disappointment doesn’t shake my faith, nor did it David’s, but I must admit there are times when I want to cry out “How long, O Lord?” But I have not done it–probably because of the guilt I know I would feel about questioning His timeline…that, and I don’t feel that I have earned the right to do that–that I don’t “know” Him enough.

I can imagine Him shaking His head at me right now, saying, “My child how can you think that? Have I not shown you unconditional love? Have I not shown you that I want you to come to me? What do you think me wanting you to delve into My Word and spending time with Me was all about?”
Which brings me to my second point: I do know this. I know God wants us to come to Him. I know He wants us to give our all to Him. Every worry. Every heartache. Every problem. Every happiness. Every moment of joy. Every moment of peace.
I need to remember this next time I come to Him in prayer.

And then…David says this at the end of Psalm 13:
“But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me”

–And this is exactly what I do. Each and every day. His joy and love are my strength and His grace is my hope.

Lord, I love everything about You. You can move mountains. Surely you can handle my petitions. Please help me to release everything and let go. Help me to give everything to You, Lord. I know I need work. I know I need to do works for You. Lord, I can’t wait to see Your plans for me unfold!
Please Father, be my light when I stumble. Please Father, be my words when I speak. I want to thank You, Lord, for always being there–even when I wasn’t. Never once have You wavered. Your faithfulness, Father, is astounding. Thank You for Your unfailing love, Lord. I love you.
In Your Son’s name, Jesus, I pray. Amen.

 

The Next Chapter

The Next Chapter

Great is Thy faithfulness Oh Lord, Oh God Almighty! For you are always by my side, my constant companion.

Through my studies I now know what else to do to grow more with You. And I know because every time it is mentioned, there is that twinge of conviction. Thank You for Your Holy Spirit, Father!

I have not started this new step because I didn’t feel that I was ready…but today in the study, we learned about “self stuff”. We must “deny ourselves and take up our cross daily and follow” Jesus. (Luke 9:23)

Lord, I sincerely apologize for being caught up in self-will, selfishness, and self-sufficiency. I pray that You will help me battle these, Lord, and renew my mind to think like Your Son. I know it will be a daily struggle, Lord, but I am willing to traverse this next chapter with You.
I keep saying You are big enough and that I can’t do this without You. I keep telling You, Oh God, that I want to be more like Your Son and that I want to walk with You, just as Seth walked with You.

But how can I when I don’t see what You are telling me to do right in front of my face! It takes weeks or months for it to finally catch on…and only when I am focused on You, Lord.
Please Lord, help me to grow in my faith and to realize what and when You are telling me to follow.

I need to spend more time with You–this is what You want me to do. But it needs to be real, quiet, alone time. To just say, “I am here.”
And I want to do that, Lord. I want to be pleasing to You.
I want to hear You speak, O Lord. I want to feel Your presence all around me, enveloping me in Your Goodness, Righteousness, and Love.

So shall I begin the next chapter in my walk with You–continuing the study, reading the Psalms, and spending one on one time with You, Father.

And I can think of nothing greater than that.

A Simple Prayer

A Simple Prayer

Jesus You’re all I need. You are more than enough for me. Jesus, Your power is limitless and I smile when I think of You rescuing people from their chains and setting them free. How awesome You are! How Great Thou Art!

You calm the storms in my soul and rest my mind. All I have to do is seek You. And You are there. Always.

Thank you for…You, Jesus.

Jesus, I want to come to you in prayer. Usually I don’t say your name until the Amen ending, but I want you to know–I have faith. I want to reach out and touch Your cloak Lord. I want to know all about You. How I would love to sit at Your feet as You teach!

But Lord, I want to lift up my family in prayer. I want to lift up all my family members to You, Jesus, and I ask that Your hand of guidance be ever on us. We need Your coaching and wisdom; protection and love. We need You as a Teacher, a Healer, a Counselor, a Chain-Breaker.
I know some of Your sons and daughters may not see You, may not come to You, but I ask that You keep watch. They need You in their lives.
Come live in our hearts, Lord. Renew our minds. Help us turn to You.

We are each facing our own difficulties. We are each facing our own trials. But with You by our side, anything is possible, Lord. You make the impossible, possible. You make the immutable, mutable. You make the unbearable, bearable. With You, we can face another day. With You, we can find strength.

I cry out to you this night, Lord. I cry out! Come to this place and renew my heart, my mind, my soul! Help me to be more like You, Jesus. And please pour out your love and mercy over myself and all family.

I ask you, Jesus, to raise us up from our situations–and only You know what they are, Lord. I ask that You quash our fears and still our spirits. I ask that You guide us to where You want us to be. Please set us on Your rock, Lord, where we may flourish and give praise to You.
But I also want to work in Your time, Lord. I don’t want to rush anything. For I know that a blink of our eye could be a year to You, or a second of Your time, is a year to us.

I know You are hearing me, Lord. I know that you see my plight. You see all.

And I am here, Lord. Waiting and learning in expectancy of Your will and power to work in my life and each member of my family’s life.

And in Your Name, Jesus, I pray.

Amen.

 

When There is Doubt

When There is Doubt

Head-Doubt. Heart-Doubt. Tonight’s study in Jesus The One and Only was enlightening for me. Tonight’s study talked about when John the Baptist was in prison and he sent his disciples to ask Jesus “Are you the one who has come or should we expect someone else?” (Luke 7:18). John was born to prepare the way for Jesus. He knew who Jesus was. So why ask this question?

As Christians, we all face doubt. But I learned about two kinds of doubt tonight: Head-Doubt and Heart-Doubt. Head-Doubt is where you doubt who God is and you fall away. Heart-Doubt comes from our feelings, our hurts. We know God is who He is, but we doubt the plan God may have.

John was in prison. He knew he might die in prison. He faithfully carried out his duty set by God to prepare the way for Jesus. As Beth Moore says, “Sometimes we can understand the purpose of our callings without fully understanding God’s means.” But I agree with Beth Moore when she explains how John was struggling with heart-doubt.

Think about this: You are in prison. You are probably a little afraid. You are suffering. You realize there might come a time where you could die in prison. And perhaps hoping for a rescue. After all, one of the reasons Jesus came was to “proclaim freedom for all the prisoners” (Luke 4:18-19). But Jesus knew the plan for John, even though for John, it may not have been clear. But this was God’s way. The only way to fulfill God’s plan for John was to join Him in heaven.

Heart-Doubt can be dangerous, though. Jesus said, “Blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me” (Luke 7:23). How could one fall away? By giving into your heart-doubt and fueling it into becoming a head-doubt. Heart-Doubt can be a trap for falling away from Christ if you let it.

There are some things that I have had heart-doubt about–one of them is my financial situation. I have read verses and seen other people who follow God, love God, and they are much better off than I am–at least they can pay their bills.
I become discouraged at times. I have looked for better paying jobs and have gone on interview after interview, but never attaining the job. And when I get discouraged, sometimes I have heart-doubt. Sometimes I question what His plan for me is. But I know in my head that God is good and that Jesus is real and that they must be working in my life–even though I can’t see the fruits of that labor right now.

I know God is God. I know and believe that Jesus is His Son. I know there is a plan for me. I know this because I have faith, and I have seen God work before. I hold onto that. And I hold onto a few verses as well:
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13)
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God” (Philippians 4:6)
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:10)
“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice” (Philippians 4:4)
And when I am deeply troubled: “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10)

I do go to God with my concerns. I pray about many things, and more so now after getting closer to Him. And since growing closer, the tone and meaning of my prayers have changed. Before, when I went on interviews, I would pray, “Please Lord, let me get this job” But now, through all things, I pray this “Lord, if this is something you want me to pursue, I shall. I will go where You lead. I will follow You.”
I pray this because I have come to trust God. In all things. In all situations. He is my Rock. I depend on Him.

He is sufficient. There is nothing my God cannot do.

 

Out of the Darkness

Out of the Darkness

In tonight’s study, Jesus The One and Only, I had to look at parts of Psalm 107, which struck home for me. The subject of Psalm 107 is “Thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love”. The verses that I had to read were 10-16:

“Some sat in darkness and the deepest gloom, prisoners suffering in iron chains, for they had rebelled against the words of God and despised the counsel of the Most High. So he subjected them to bitter labor; they stumbled and there was no one to help. Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom and broke away their chains. Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men, for he breaks down gates of bronze and cuts through bars of iron.”

Though I don’t believe I despised the counsel of the Most High, my ears were definitely closed to it, and I did rebel against the words of God. I didn’t have time for God. There were times I would get asked to go to church, and I had a standing open invitation to go, but I never wanted to. I used to go to church, but had stopped going a long time ago. I wanted to do my own thing.
But there was one time I had to go to church–when I went to go visit my parents back in November. And I really didn’t want to go, and I tried not to show it.

Then, in the service, I tried to feel something. I really did try. But I felt nothing where before there was always something. But I hadn’t been to church in maybe two to three years. And during those years, little by little my back was turning on God. He would try to talk to me, but I started to try to justify what I was doing. Eventually, wrong seemed right–it seemed okay. And God’s voice became fainter and fainter–until I didn’t hear Him anymore. Soon enough, I didn’t notice Him anymore, but I grew okay with that.

Well, we walked into the church building back in November, and I was uneasy. I felt like I shouldn’t be there; that I didn’t belong. But I continued on. During the service, I didn’t feel anything, even though I tried. I tried to hear Him. I tried to feel His presence, because when I used to go to church, I would feel these things.

But there was nothing. I felt nothing at all. After the service, I became upset–mad, angry, but not at anyone in particular. I just wanted to get out of church as soon as possible. Once we were outside of the building, I felt better.
However, the way I acted mad afterward and the way I felt nothing scared me badly.
I was scared. Scared because acting upset wasn’t like me. Feeling nothing at all wasn’t like me.
And I felt right then that God was far away and that He couldn’t hear me. But I knew deep down He was right there. But I couldn’t hear Him, either.

Even though this scared me, I didn’t do anything about it. I still continued doing what I was doing, but the seed had been planted.
And it started to grow.

I started to miss Him. I started to miss His presence.
I started to seek Him.
I started writing this blog, which was something He wanted me to do long ago.

And eventually, I started to come out of the darkness. There were many times I failed, many times I fell, and I still do, just not as much. Until the post “When It All Comes Together”, and until I started doing the study and reading the Bible is when I came completely out of the darkness.
The post “A Simple Letter” is my plea and commitment to God.

I know I will still sin. I know I will stumble. But I choose to keep my eyes on God, on Jesus. God’s grace is over me. I will repent–heartfelt, true, on my knees. I will commit that sin no longer. And I will become stronger in the Lord, stronger in my Faith, and I will learn to spot temptations sooner.

“For the joy of the Lord is my strength” (Nehemiah 8:10). And I yearn to be pleasing in the eyes of both God and Jesus.

So I want to Thank You God, for loving me. Thank You God, for bringing me out of the darkness. Thank You for the seed planted inside me. Thank You for seeing me.
I love you Lord, with all my heart, soul, and mind.
In Jesus’ most precious name, Amen.

“My sweet child. I love to call you Mine. Go and sin no more. Be my servant and spread my Word to the nations”

Yes Lord. Forever Yes. Thank You for your Son, Lord. There are no words to properly express my gratitude, so I will just lift up my hands in supplication and perfect obedience to You.

A Simple Letter

A Simple Letter

To God, my Father:

I love you Lord. You are my most awesome God. Jesus, My Savior and Messiah, I need you. I need God and you, Jesus, in my Life.
Come into my Heart, Jesus. Live in it please and fill me with your Holy Spirit. I want to be one with you.

I don’t want to sin anymore. Ever. I want You and only You.

You are all I need. You are everything I could ever want.

 

I love you.

 

In Jesus’ most powerful name, Amen. For God’s glory, Amen. Hallelujah to the Most High!

 

You. It’s just You. It has always been You. Forever and ever. For all eternity.

Amen and Amen.

 

Your child,

Jessica

When It All Comes Together

When It All Comes Together

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I am going through a personal study of the Lord right now titled Jesus The One and Only by Beth Moore. I have just completed Day 2, which talks about the angel of the Lord, Gabriel, appearing to Mary and telling her of the news that she will be with child and give birth to a son, and that his name shall be Jesus.

Jesus…

Hebrews describes the glory of Jesus. “The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification of sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty of Heaven” (Ch. 1, v. 3)

Can you imagine…can you imagine being a virgin and carrying the Son of God?

I always knew the story. I always knew who Jesus was. But when I was younger and learning about these things…and even into some of my adult life, never once did we go into different passages that described his powerfulness…that described who He is. I knew and still know that Jesus is the Son of God…but it never really hit me about the magnitude of it until reading Chapter 1 of Hebrews.

Being a writer, words have a special effect on me and the way Jesus was described in Hebrews gave me a deeper meaning.

My blogs so far have God telling me to dive into His Word, go to church, and fellowship with members. I have already resolved to go to church on the Sundays when I don’t have to work. However, it is a feeling of wanting and anxiousness that fill me instead of a feeling of obligation. I want to go and hear His word! I admit delay on delving into the Word of God…until yesterday, 12/26–the day after Jesus’ birthday. This was the day I found my Bible, my journal, and this study that I had started a long time ago.

My last blog post spoke about wanting to know God more, and He was absolutely right when He said I knew what to do–Read His Word, Pray, and spend time daily with Him.

I think finding this study was a sign–the title is called Jesus The One and Only–and it talks about getting to know Jesus better. I already pray…and I start off each lesson with a small prayer to understand His Word and to help guide me through the lesson. I now read His Word, and am sort of spending time with Him daily, but I know what He really means by this–to find a quiet place where I am alone with no interruptions and just be with Him–in mind, body, and spirit. Converse with Him, read His Word…I will get there.

So when I say this was a sign–it is because I feel that God knows I am ready to learn and know Jesus more. And I know this study will help me.

Lord, I do want to know you. I want to model my life after You. And now, Jesus, when I say in Jesus’ name, Amen, it will no longer just be something I am supposed to say when I end a prayer. It will have a deeper meaning. For there is Power in Your Name.

Lord You are Most High. Forever shall I exalt Your name and I believe in Your Son, Jesus, my Savior.

Thank You for sending Your Son to cleanse me of my sin. Thank You for Your Word becoming flesh to walk among Your people. Thank You for this verse that was in my journal today:
“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood…[God’s] own purchased, special people, that you may set forth the wonderful deeds and display the virtues and perfections of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light” (1 Peter 2:9)

And in Jesus’ name, Amen.